Yesterday, my boyfriend (who shall be referred to as “L”) and I took a day trip together and visited the nearest Barnes and Noble, which is 1.5 hours from where we live. *hangs head in utter sadness and desolation* Just like the majority of nerds out there, I adore B&N. I mean, it has thousands of books. Thousands. Of. Books. In. One. Place. And guess what? It gets better! THEY LET YOU BUY THEM. YOU CAN EVEN TAKE SOME HOME. Yeah, it’s pretty great.

Even though I do love it overall, there are a few things I dislike about B&N, and there are a few things I just don’t understand. Thus, I present to you: Thoughts I Have While in Barnes and Nobles.

“Step 1: Walk in. Step 2: Take a deep breath and smell those books. Ahhhhh.”

“I need this one! And this one! And that one! And all of these!”

“Why do they not have a separate British Literature section?”

“Okay, I could order these on amazon for half the price, but then I would have to wait for them. Or, I can spend my college savings on them today, and not have to wait. Screw financial security during my college years.”

“Why are there not more people here. Do they realize how amazing this place is?”

“Ugh why are there so many people interrupting my time with the books?”

“I need all of these journals. All of them.”

“OOOOOOOOH CLEARANCE”

“God bless the person who decided to put a Starbucks in the store.”

“Okay, they provide these nice comfy chairs to sit and read in. But, is it wrong to sit and read a book you haven’t purchased? Is that considered stealing? You aren’t physically taking anything from the store, but you are mentally taking the book with you. So, is it stealing or not?” (These are the questions that keep me awake at night)

“Why do they not provide carts here? How many books do they think I can hold?”

“WHY DO BOOKS HAVE TO COST MONEY”

“I need to work out so that I can lift/hold more books”

“Are they hiring? Wait, bad idea; this job would cost me a fortune” (That was a Gilmore Girls quote by the way; ten points to anyone who recognized it as such.)

“See, I am devoting my life to reading and writing, and so this isn’t really a personal purchase. It’s an investment in my future career. Not only that, it’s an investment in the lives of my future students. Sort of. Kinda.”

“They now carry a line of crazy cat lady decorations. I need them all. That is my life’s calling.”

“This is so expensive. But so pretty.”

“Cover love! Cover love!”

“Would it be considered frivolous to take out a loan in order to buy more?”

“Okay, I could park a semi right under this window during the night, and use a conveyer belt to steal hundreds in a short amount of time” (No joke, L and I planned the biggest book heist of the century, but then realized that it would require being out past curfew. Curses.)

“Whoever decided that Disney World is ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’ has obviously never been to a B&N”

*Talking to the books* “Okay, I can’t buy all of you because I was not born into a rich family (thanks a lot, mom and dad). I’m sorry. I just can’t adopt you all. I am so sorry.”

“Okay, I’m done now. Time to check out. OH I HAVEN’T BEEN DOWN THIS AISLE YET.”

“I need to learn a foreign language so I can buy all the books in said language.”

“Not only do they sell books, but they sell book-related things! I totally need to spend $85 on this Harry Potter blanket.”

“HOW DID I SPEND $58.96 ON FIVE BOOKS?!?!? *shrugs* Meh, worth it.”

“Hey, maybe my books will be on a shelf here someday.”

And there you have it, my friends; twenty-seven thoughts I have while shopping in Barnes and Noble, the most magical place on earth. So, what are some of your thoughts while book shopping?

“‘And just look at these books!’ said Hermione excitedly, running a finger along the spines of the large leather-bound tomes… the presence of hundreds of books had finally convinced Hermione that what they were doing was right.”

~JK Rowling.

 

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